Neurodivergent & smartcreativeawesomegenius

This topic can be controversial for a number of reasons but before we get into that let’s define what it is to “stim”. Stim is short for stimming or self stimulating behavior often repetitive and sometimes including noises. This is a frequent behavior of people who are neurodivergent.

I’ll start by saying that a long time ago (in the early 2000’s) I was taught, as a behavior therapist for kiddos who had autism, to help our kiddos by NOT stimming in public and to disguise it or hide it because it was not socially acceptable to stim. This was just one of many things we taught our kiddos and it’s one that I’m having different views on lately. Growing up with a brother who is severely autistic I found that his stimming brought a lot of attention to our family. We got attention whether we liked it or not, especially if we were at dinner and my brother would flick his wrist constantly or yell out sounds. At times we even felt we might be in danger. My brother is a big boy who usually wore a black hoodie and he’d have these mad dog stares at some people who thought he was staring them down with an attitude, little did they know he was autistic and was staring right through them. So we weren’t quite excited about stimming in public at the time and we wanted to control it because we got a lot of stares. You would literally see the question marks pop up over their heads in total confusion. Keep in mind in the 2000’s, Autism wasn’t as common as it was today and when ever I told people my brother was autistic, they always thought I said artistic. That’s how uncommon of a word it was.

Now why is this topic so controversial? Well, although most would agree nowadays to let the kiddo stim, others would disagree and say that is not a way to help them fit in to society and it pose a potential danger to others if their stimming gets out of control. So what do we do?

Learning the “why”

Fast forward to current times, my viewpoint has changed quite a bit. Now I know a lot more than I did about WHY a child stims and HOW THEY FEEL when they stim. I’ve seen my brother grow up (now in his 30’s and still non verbal) and I’ve learned so much more about where stimming comes from. And learning from those who are autistic and are verbal I feel I understand a lot more about this behavior. Stimming can be calming, reduces anxiety, is an expression of happiness and in general it’s a form of expression on how they feel. It might not all be a good expression of their feelings, it can also go the other way and reflect an anxious or angry mood. I look back at younger me and realize that I didn’t know as much as I know now and I was trying to understand autism, society and life in general! Now I see there are many reasons to stim and just like everything else in life, everything comes in moderation and has to be determined based on the situation.

Changing perspectives

I was a behavior therapist for 6 years and I have to say I am proud to have helped to mainstream 4 kiddos into a typical classroom. That might not sound like much because 6 years is a long time but most of my days were made up with learning about disorders in college and then working with autistic kiddos after school. At work, it was also a requirement to read books, watch lectures, and constantly go through training to learn new techniques for drills. I treated these kids as if they were my own kids. I was extremely close to them and even maintained a relationship with the families long after I left the position. I’ve done a lot of things in my years on this earth but I have to say that getting these kids from where they started into a class with neuro-typical students without an aide was by far one of my biggest accomplishments. So I believe a lot of what and how I taught them was well intended. The one thing that I do think back on is teaching them how to hide their stims. Keep in mind that I had a brother who was severely autistic and I would try to hide his stimming to avoid the embarrassing “Oh, he’s no harm he’s autistic” speech to people. I was young and didn’t want to stand out. If I could change one thing it would be to just let the kids (and my little brother) stim if they want to (no matter where we were). If I could change my viewpoint back then I would. Stimming is just a way for the kiddos to express themselves when they are excited and is comforting to them.

Creating boundaries

Something else I have a strong opinion about is YES, let the kiddo stim in public at home or where ever BUT have boundaries. Implement boundaries to keep their brains developing, not because you want them to “fit in” by not stimming. So it’s not a “when and where” to stim but more of a “how long”. Our hero, Temple Grandin, has brought insight into the autistic brain. She has taught us to have a different perspective on Autism and her viewpoint on stimming is to let the kiddo stim BUT don’t let them stim all day long or else nothing else will get in their brain. So having “to go” items that can satisfy their sensory needs ( like toys, bracelets, necklaces etc.) and implementing items in their day to day activities like sensory seats and other helpful tools at school and home.

The takeaway

My biggest take away is that we as a society should change our viewpoint about autism and just let the kiddos be themselves. As parents we can create rules for when to take a break from stimming but we have to teach them AND ourselves to not be embarrassed. As a society we have to change our viewpoint about differences. WE ALL have little things that we do that make us who we are. Let’s celebrate the uniqueness instead of ostracizing it. Our neurodivergent community is fabulous just the way they are and we shouldn’t try to change them to fit into society. So their minds and their behaviors don’t conform to our traditional ways- so what! Our society should adapt and accept the fact that we are all unique and that’s something to be proud of!